Being Gene

There are so many labels with names. Letting go of those images in your head is harder than I had realized. The old me was free at first then trapped by my own doing, forced to learn that self acceptance is more important than acceptance from others.

It started settling in my mind that I could be out on my own once I graduated high school. Without paying attention to what my education goals were I was intent on experience. With financial help from my family, I moved out and started college. A semester in I became smitten with a sly guy. He was part of the same crew as my brother and had a bold confidence. I instantly was drawn to him. I cant explain it any other way. His smile and energy were contagious. It felt very natural to be with him. There was a forbidden factor. Because he was black and I was not, my parents would not support our decision to be together so they acted in anger and disowned me. It taught me to fear and not trust people. I still feel the aftershocks of that pain, but now I have forgiveness. 

Over the course of our roller coaster relationship I would imagine us as married with a cute kid. Now, that is our reality times two! 

What do I imagine next for our lives?

Anything! Everything! 

My mind has been cluttered with an expired vision of myself and my husband. We got married, made it to parenthood and managed to survive preemie newborn twins to the first day of pre-school. 

I was named after both my grandmothers. Last year my grandma decided to let go and make her journey to heaven. She was ninety years old and had grown tired of the world.  She taught me a variety of life lessons including her famous recipes...(pineapple cheese pie) I spent a large amount of time listening to the stories about WWII and big band radio. Daily she lived her mantra, “You make your life”.  She would say “you cant just talk about it , you gotta do it!” She loved me unconditionally and was always there for me. Her resilience to challenges made her superhuman to so many. 

We are all designing our lives in our vision. 

I had a unique opportunity to share my personal birth story and collaborate with a tech giant on new technology that will help keep newborns and mothers connected while in the NICU. It was a hollywood dream come true, but the filming has ended and the video has aired and been viewed. It felt so good to be a valued part of the project and bring a paycheck home for a creative endeavor. I have enjoyed it from beginning to end, but it has ended and its all about the now.

Everyday is a fresh start. The chance to change and if your lucky, grow. I was fortunate enough to grow through that experience. It gave me a new confidence in myself. No doubt, I can be who I want to be. 

I am a woman whose passion and purpose is transparent. I will be a woman defined by my character and courage. I will carry myself with poise and confidence. I will listen to my own gut and trust my instincts. I will not set limits to what I can do. My bliss is music and movement. Both give me LIFE! 

I feel joy in this moment of writing. Thankful for this outlet.

Nothing will work unless you do. - Maya Angelou

So I’d better work, work, work like Rihanna says.